#i want to erase all existence of me online

[ghoulishcreep]

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[flanaganfilm]

Mr. Flanagan, I’d like to ask a question and I deeply hope that it does not offend or upset you. I am strongly considering canceling my Netflix subscription due to their new password sharing policy. However, Midnight Mass is one of my favorite shows of all time and I know it isn’t available on DVD, and I’m also profoundly anticipating your take on my favorite Edgar Allen Poe story. So I wanted to ask your take on people accessing your work through, uh, other means. If it’s something that’s offensive to you or will harm you or the other people who work so hard on these shows, I’ll happily keep my Netflix just so that I can keep supporting your work. I respect you far too much as an artist to do otherwise.

Again, I really hope I’m not upsetting you by asking this question. Thank you for everything, and I hope you’re having a great day!

(NOTE 6/4/2024: I'm editing this entry because, well over a year since it was posted, some journalists dug this up and used it to create click-bait headlines that are misleading, out of context and artificially combative. While I was of course disappointed over the years that Netflix opted not to release my work on physical media, I never experienced any hostility or aggression in those discussions, and I sincerely regret the manner in which this post was used in the press this week.)

Hi there - no offense taken whatsoever, in fact I think this is a very interesting and important question.

So. If you asked me this a few years ago, I would have said "I hate piracy and it is hurting creators, especially in the independent space." I used to get in Facebook arguments with fans early in my career when people would post about seeing my work on torrent sites, especially when that work was readily available for rent and purchase on VOD.

Back in 2014, my movie Before I Wake was pirated and leaked prior to any domestic release, and that was devastating to the project. It actually made it harder to find distribution for the film. By the time we were able to get distribution in the US, the film had already been so exposed online that the best we could hope for was a Netflix release. Netflix stepped in and saved that movie, and for that I will always be grateful to them.

However...

Working in streaming for the past few years has made me reconsider my position on piracy.

In the years I worked at Netflix, I tried very hard to get them to release my work on blu-ray and DVD.

It became clear very fast that their priority was subscriptions, and that they were not particularly interested in physical media releases of their originals, with a few exceptions.

While companies like Netflix pride themselves on being disruptors, and have proven that they can affect great change in the industry, they sometimes fail to see the difference between disruption and damage. So much that they can find themselves, intentionally or not, doing harm to the concept of film preservation.

The danger comes when a title is only available on one platform, and then - for whatever reason - is removed.

We have already seen this happen. And it is only going to happen more and more. Titles exclusively available on streaming services have essentially been erased from the world. If those titles existed on the marketplace on physical media, like HBO's Westworld, the loss is somewhat mitigated (though only somewhat.) But when titles do not exist elsewhere, they are potentially gone forever.

The list of titles that have been removed from streaming services is growing.

I still believe that where we put our dollars matters. Renting or buying a piece of work that you like is essential. It is casting a vote, encouraging studios - who only speak the language of money - to invest more effort into similar work. If we show up to support distinct, unique, exciting work, it encourages them to make more of it. It's as simple as that. If we don't show up, or if they can't hear our voice because we are casing our vote "silently" through torrent sites or other means - it makes it unlikely that they will take a chance to create that kind of work again.

Which is why I typically suggest that if you like a movie you've seen through - uh - other means, throw a few dollars at that title on a legitimate platform. Rent it. Purchase it. Support it.

But if some studios offer no avenue for that kind of support, and can (and will) remove content from their platform forever... frankly, I think that changes the rules.

Netflix will likely never release the work I created for them on physical media, though I'll always hold out hope.

Some of you may say "wait, aren't The Haunting of Hill House and The Haunting of Bly Manor available on blu-ray and DVD?" Yes, they are, because they were co-produced with Paramount, and I'm grateful that Paramount was able to release and protect those titles. (I'm also grateful that those releases include extended cuts, deleted scenes, and commentary tracks. There are a number of fantastic benefits to physical media releases.)

But a lot of the other work I did there are Netflix originals, without any other studio involvement. Those titles - like Midnight Mass, The Midnight Club, and the upcoming Fall of the House of Usher - along with my Netflix exclusive and/or original movies Before I Wake and Gerald's Game - have no such protections. The physical media releases of those titles are entirely at Netflix's discretion, and don't appear to be priority for the studio at this time.

At the moment, Netflix seems content to leave Before I Wake, Gerald's Game, Midnight Mass, and The Midnight Club on the service, where they still draw audiences. I don't think there is a plan to remove any of them anytime soon. But plans change, the industry changes.

The point is things change, and each of those titles - should they be removed from the service for any reason - are not available anywhere else. If that day comes - if Netflix's servers are destroyed, if a meteor hits the building, if they are bought out by a competitor and their library is liquidated - I don't know what the circumstances might be, I just know that if that day comes, some of the work that means the most to me in the world would be entirely erased.

Or, what if we aren't so catastrophic in our thinking? What if it the change isn't so total? What if Netflix simply bumps into an issue with the license they paid for music (like the Neil Diamond songs that play such a crucial role in Midnight Mass), and decide to leave the show up but replace the songs?

This has happened before as well - fans of Northern Exposure can get the show on DVD and blu-ray, but the music they heard when the series aired has been replaced due to the licensing issues. And the replacements - chosen for their low cost, not for creative reasons - are not improvements. What if the shows are just changed, and not by creatives, but by business affairs executives?

All to say that physical media is critically important. Having redundancy in the marketplace is critically important. The more platforms a piece of work is available on, the more likely it is to survive and grow its audience.

As for Netflix, I hope sincerely that their thinking on this issue evolves, and that they value the content they spend so much money creating enough to protect it for posterity. That's up to them, it's their studio, it's their rules. But I like to think they may see that light eventually, and realize that exclusivity in a certain window is very cool... but exclusivity in perpetuity could potentially limit the audience and endanger the work itself.

[sgiandubh]

No lies last forever, part 2: the (over)due confirmation

With the Happy Sad Confused Tenth Anniversary Live Special being made available online, I think all doubts have now been lifted about the entire Intergalactic Bullshit this fandom has been deliberately fed for years and years in a row, by a cheap, sad troll and his accomplice. Both imbeciles' determination being only matched by the cast's complete indifference to fandom drama and, as I already wrote (https://www.tumblr.com/sgiandubh/764711074507390976/no-lies-last-forever?source=share), ***'s incompetent, tone-deaf PR.

You can watch the entire recording here, by the way:

The part where S specifically addresses his (non-existent) 'friendship' with William Shatner has been explicitly planted by the end of Jack Quaid's dedicated segment. That it has been discussed and planned prior to the show is obvious. And this time, Josh Horowitz wasn't even subtle - he announced the topic way before it 'spontaneously' popped into the conversation (39:42):

Transcription follows:

Josh Horowitz (JH): 'So, what's the dream for further voiceover roles, do you want a Pixar movie, do you want Outlander -the cartoon, what do you want?'

[laughter throughout the panelists]

S: 'Oh, I'm a Star Trek fan, actually' [women in the audience boo and shout - I wonder why, seriously], 'I am a Star Trek fan, I grew up watching Next Gen, so maybe Below Decks is... come on, guys.. '

[Note: yeah, he's such a fan, he has no idea the correct name of the cartoon spin-off, in which Jack Quaid has a voiceover role, is Star Trek: Lower Decks]

JH: 'We'll get him out in a second' [note: Jack Quaid], we'll talk some Star Trek, amazing...'

See? Not even subtle, if you ask me. I think this is something S wanted out for a good while now. It doesn't erase or even ease the pain and the trauma brought to so many people in this fandom by a pair of idiotic bullies, but I think it was very brave of him and, at any rate, it's better later than never.

And so, I waited. And waited. And waited. And then, here it went (01: 02: 54):

JH (consulting notes):' Um, we also should mention Star Trek: Lower Decks, we talked Star Trek a little bit earlier...'

Jack Quaid (JQ):'And, by, the way, this is the last season of Lower Decks, but we would have loved to have you! What the fuck, I didn't know you watched the show! [inaudible, if someone caught it properly, something like 'that was so close', I'd love to know more and especially who said it - thank you] Unbelievable!'

S: ' That is so cool, man!'

JQ: 'Oh, thank you, dude! Oh, yeah, hey, let's get rendered (?), let's do this, we keep going, let's get him on, let's do it!'

JH: 'Isn't...isn't William Shatner a big Outlander fan? I feel like he is...'

S (very uneasy): 'Ah... erm... yeah... (scratches back of his head)...I hung out with him once, we went to his stables and I watched him like riding a horse and stuff.... And, I don't know, it was really weird, cause sometimes I wonder if I am speaking to him via messages and stuff, or if it's actually his assistant [JQ: 'oooh!'], I don't know...'

JQ: 'Does his assistant look a lot like him?'

S (chuckles): 'Kind of...Yeah, you can't tell them apart. Yeah, no, but I believe he was a fan, until he saw me ride'.

Despite the jocular tone, I think everything is pretty much clear, here. Definitely a prepared conversation, despite Horowitz's efforts to make it sound playful and spontaneous. Something he even took prior notes about and made sure to include in the panel - nothing more serious than that, in fact. As for the sad cretin mentioned there, what would be left to say... S sent the guy to Coventry in barely two phrases and actually poked fun at his appearance and demeanor ('you can't tell them apart'). So long for the fictional 'friendship' and 'communication' between S and The Assistant, so long for the braggadocio that horrible little man exhibited all the way, pretending he actually had a personal relationship with S (well, as we all see, he actually doesn't: he doesn't even have a name, in S's book, as acquaintances, let alone friends, do). His only claim to fame was what, in reality? Answering some X DMs sent by S to his employer? Hello? How about his threats, then? How about his repeated calumny of people he didn't even know, calling them 'crazies', 'in need of medical attention', etc?

And please, don't come after me with that sorry excuse that 'it's S's humor'. There was nothing humorous about it and I have proven it already.

I will leave you draw your own conclusions about the non existent friendship with Shatner, something that has probably been 'encouraged' ex nihilo by *** and taken to dramatic cheapness and conflict with and within this fandom by The Assistant himself, mainly, and his friend, the OG Troll. I do not remember hearing/seeing Shatner himself saying all those horrible things (please correct me if I am wrong), so until I am proven the contrary, it's only logical to have many thoughts and questions about these people's strange, very strange obsession with OL and its two main co-stars.

Not to mention the most idiotic threat I have ever read in this fandom. Something I fell upon by absolute chance this morning. I mean, I couldn't even believe people actually bought such primitive, kindergarten bullshit:

[July 29th, 2017]

' Do you still want OL to continue or not, people?'

Empty, illogical threats: why would *** cancel its actual cash cow show, just because two co-stars had something SO obvious, that people realized there was more than the official narrative to it? And what about the crazy story about Albrecht & co. investigating and allegedly menacing fans with going to court? Has this cretin ever realized the potential media scandal would have far outweighed the inanity of such a claim? That it could very well have a serious impact on ***'s company profile and future projects, even?

I really, really think both of these Unsavory Clowns should find another playground and another obsession to cling on (wasn't the first, would not be the last). Elsewhere. In a galaxy far, far away.

PS: Thank you, regular attendee who bravely spilled the tea and thank you, old shipper who came forward and confirmed. And many heartfelt thanks to all of you shippers, old and new, who also bravely stepped forward with their personal take on everything these two have done to this place.

Dare we hope this is the beginning of the end? What is sure, is that no lies last forever. Or as we say in Romanian: minciuna are picioare scurte și adevărul o ajunge/'a lie's got short legs and truth will always catch up with it'.

[Later edit]: edited to add a new, improved clip that actually does include the entire conversation.

[catboybiologist]

The WOKE TRANSGENDER MOB is taking yet another FEMBOY ICON

Fucking bullshit. Fucking BULLSHIT. The woke mob is now saying that beloved femboy icon, CatboyBiologist, is trans and will be medically transitioning. First brisket and now this? Why doesn’t everything conform to the image that I formed in my head for my own benefit? This is forced diversity at its finest.

Look at these absolutely deranged quotes that they’ve CLEARLY forced him to say:

“I didn’t like being masculine from the onset of puberty, and being a ‘femboy’ was a valuable part of figuring out what exactly I wanted to do with that feeling. I’ve been figuring things out for a while, and I currently have appointments lined up to start HRT by the end of this month (August 2023).”

Have they no limits? Have they no shame? CLEARLY this is a fake flag by the sjw communist animal farm 1984 alphabet soup mafia elites to trans the gender of the most cisgender person in existence. It’s abundantly clear that once you represent your gender expression in a particular way, it is completely static and never changes. Exploration is strictly off limits. You’re only a real transgender if your mother gives birth in the endocrinologists office and you get your HRT prescription at 23 seconds old, otherwise you’re a filthy AGP cuck.

As we all know, femboys exist so that I can jack off to men and claim “it’s still straight if it’s femboys bro”, allowing me to ignore my deeply repressed bisexuality. If no femboy is safe from the transing of the genders, then how will I be able to have an outlet for my attraction to men? Finding community and healthily expressing it in a way that doesn’t involve me fetishizing gender nonconformity and unhealthily bottling up my queerness? Fucking disgusting.

We all know that there’s absolutely no precedent for using gender nonconforming cultural trends to explore ones identity before transitioning. That’s why every drag queen has always been a 100% cis man and none have ever pursued transition ever.

Clearly the goal here is to erase feminine men and convert boys into the alphabet mafia. As a someone who regularly jacks off to femboys, I have personally appointed myself as the authority on all things related to gender nonconformity, and I refuse to bow down to the wokeness that is queer people who actually go outside. As this authority, I know from my depths of experience mindlessly scrolling through anime femboys online that femboys are a completely different thing than the lgbtqiaabcdefg rabble, and that they’re based whereas real gay people and gender nonconforming people are cringe. Absolutely no overlap exists between trans people and the gender nonconforming cis people whatsoever. With this authority and knowledge, I have pledged to personally divide and destroy any semblance of queer unity present in the online microcosms I find myself in. And because of this, I have to speak out against this trans agenda.

BULLSHIT I say. They’re transing the genders of the femboys and I won’t stand for it.

[chobbleblog]

A quick message to Goodtimeswithscar fanartists!

If you tend to draw/portray Scar in fanart with zero mobility/disability aides (wheelchair, cane, cannula, etc), or with them but in a way that pretty much disregards their existence (keeping the cane on his back at all times, making the cane purely aesthetic and not functional, treating the wheelchair like it's as light as a feather and can go anywhere, drawing cannulas but no oxygen tank, etc), I just want you to take a second and ask yourself why you portray it that way.

Scar has stated that he is ok being drawn with or without being visibly disabled, but he sees the wheelchair as a big part of himself ([LINK]). I'm not here to force anybody to do anything. But I just want you to seriously consider why you minimize or completely erase his disability. Is it just because he's a minecrafter and therefore he's not disabled in-game (debatable because when making fanart, the medium and therefore many universal constants are 100% malleable, not to mention how his disability does indeed affect his content such as when he is forced to take breaks, falls out of his chair, etc)? Or could it be that you are uncomfortable with the fact that he's disabled, or at least uncomfortable portraying/acknowledging that in your art? Could it be that you're afraid to get it wrong, don't know how, or simply don't feel like it? Please don't take this as an attack, but a small ask to consider the reasoning behind this design choice.

I do not use mobility aides as my physical disabilities would not be benefitted from them, but I am quite active in the online disabled community, and please believe me when I tell you that physical disabilities are erased enough. They are ignored and minimized enough. If you look in the comments of Scar's videos, if you look at the donations that were read during the charity event a couple of months ago, you will see so many people using mobility/disability aides (or not because they can't get them for many reasons, but need them very much) who are so encouraged by Scar doing what he does, by seeing a representation of their experience and community that they very, very rarely see (and even when they do it's in a pitying, infantilizing, or degrading way). When you draw fanart of Scar, please consider this. Please consider why you are erasing or minimizing his disability, and if you find it in your heart, please consider a design change.

There are aesthetically pleasing ways to include mobility aides. Some great ones I have seen are linked below if you want design inspiration. And plus, if nothing else, it will help you become a better artist by diversifying your experience:

[LINK] - An example animatic with a cane. While it is sometimes on his back, it's usually when he's flying (how would he use it? It makes sense for it to be put away). While he's walking it is being used properly. We don't see him walking around much since it's an animatic, but if I animated it more thoroughly, I would show that he had a clear limp, fatigue, or other difficulty walking, to avoid the "cane solely for aesthetic" interpretation.

[LINK] - An example animatic with a wheelchair, which is coincidentally the same scene. There was a fantastic one where his wheelchair transforms into a flying machine but I searched for 30 minutes and can't find it, so if someone knows the one please link it!

[LINK] [LINK] [LINK] [LINK] [LINK] - Great example drawings with wheelchairs.

[LINK] [LINK] - Drawings with canes.

P.S. all of this goes for writing and other non-visual forms of fanart too!! I see him written disabled even less often than I see him drawn disabled.

Thank you for reading all of this. I hope it helps somebody.

[featureenvyproductions]

here’s a bird’s eye view of my comic Eyan Eternal

For people who don't know what it is. Bc I think some of you might find it's right up your alley. Well this is an updated one anyway. I do actually have a volume of this out in print right now, but the low def, basic version is online and complete, and tbh, I just want people to read it. I took almost two years to complete this and quite literally poured every waking moment (after work and when I wasn’t fixing stuff in my house) into this to try and finish it.

Ahem

Here is one of these at a glance things! 

If that’s enough to intrigue you, take a look at my chapter masterpost which has convenient links to every chapter post so you don’t have to go figuring out where they are and what order they go in!: https://www.tumblr.com/featureenvyproductions/717516139934154752/eyan-eternal-tumblr-chapter-masterpost?source=share

If you like it and want to support me you can also buy a copy of the first print volume, which collects chapters 1-5 and has a smidge of bonus content (only available in the US right now, but that’s not going to be forever, and I’m working on an e-book as well): https://www.etsy.com/FeatureEnvy/listing/1447399615/eyan-eternal?utm_source=Copy&utm_medium=ListingManager&utm_campaign=Share&utm_term=so.lmsm&share_time=1683565699335

And now here is a more detailed break down if you need more info than that...

*Jonathan Frakes asks you things meme voice* have you ever wondered what you’d find if you REALLY lived forever?

Well, meet Eyan, an immortal vampire.

He’s slowly finding out the answer to that question...

...And it appears to be unbearable isolation.

Eons into the distant future, when most stars have faded in the night sky and the cosmic event horizon has confined any remaining beings to an isolated pocket of the universe, Eyan roams interstellar space in a repurposed generation ship in search of anything that could be considered alive/sentient in the way he is.

So far, he’s out of luck.

That is until he runs into an unexpected former rival on a remote planet - Zero, a sentient android he never expected to be the only other person left alive.

Well. That is, if either of them can really be considered “alive”. What does that mean anyway, when the humans who defined what it means to be alive are all gone?

This is something they’ll have to explore and define for themselves as they attempt to set aside their myriad of differences and try to work together on one of the few ways left to escape the dark fate of ultimate isolation - The Grand Encoder, a machine that can upload minds to a special medium - if it even works for them anyway. In the process, they slowly come to accept that maybe they’d had each other all wrong and weren’t seeing the bigger picture.

You may not find any action-packed Star Wars like escapades here in this sci fi drama. You also won’t find ponderings about the origins of vampires or what gave rise to robot sentience - It’s integral to the plot that these things just ARE. But you will find a thoughtful exploration of identity and how it can cause us to define ourselves and relate to (or abandon) each other depending on the framework within which we are doing that exploration and within which we are compelled to exist. It asks the question, what if the frameworks within which we defined our existence and purpose no LONGER existed...Where would we go from there?

And as two immortal guys who are the only folks left in the universe (as far as they know), Eyan and Zero are just the right people to mull over that.

There is both textual and allegorical queerness in this story - both main characters should be considered gay men, even if it’s The Future TM and terms/exact scopes of identities may not be EXACTLY 1-1 with today’s...But I want to be perfectly clear that it was my intent to make them gay because I wanted to see more gay guys in sci fi and I don’t want anyone erasing that. As for the allegorical stuff - I myself am a trans gay man in my late 30s, so this act of re-exploring and re-framing myself and evaluating how and why queer folks interact with each other the way we do is something I’m very familiar with, and I feel like other folks might relate. (I also peppered in some neurodivergent-person-in-a-neurotypical-world moods tbh.)

Of course it’s not all serious. I do have a bit of fun with some old school vampire tropes, tossing Eyan around and putting him in Situations.

Anyway if this all sounds interesting to you, take a look at my tag and site (above)! I’d appreciate it! I also like to hear from people and see if there’s anything about it you related to! :)

I also do everything. Every last monotonous step (well, aside from literally loading up a printing press to churn out volumes lol - BUT REST ASSURED IF I HAD $10K TO PISS INTO THE WIND I WOULD DO THAT TOO). So if there’s ANYTHING you want to know about my process, I’m happy to tell you so please ask, especially if you’re like trying to get started on your own comic or trying to go to print :) 

Edit before I go ahead and blaze this: I want to say, to be honest, the creation of comic was initially motivated almost entirely by the isolation/loneliness I’ve felt in my life. It’s not as bad as some folks’ and I know that, but it is a really prevalent thread throughout my life and sometimes is almost unbearable, and my comic began as an exploration of that loneliness, as well as a narrative exercise to try and express the depth of it at its worst point. I’m putting this out here because ultimately I don’t know...maybe someone will catch my drift and understand the feeling I’m trying to illustrate, and maybe they’ll want to see the plot that came of those feelings. I am not above the need to feel seen lol, especially if other people out there feel like they can resonate with this experience as well.

[evaglass]

Speculation about Mizu's parents pt. 1

I don't like usually posting much online, but I do enjoy this series very much, and I would like to discuss possible directions it could go

I think about this moment a lot

A decent amount, actually

Mizu has had to hide her entire life of being a mixed-race girl for her safety, but there's an implication that it's not just because of that reason alone

There's a big assumption that one of the four white men put the bounty on Mizu, and as terrible as they are, there's reasons they probably aren't the ones that placed the bounty on Mizu. I don't think the four white men really care about any bastards they could have produced; I will explain.

Yes, Fowler neglected his offsprings to the point of starvation, but I don't think he was actively hunting them down, and here are the reasons why:

Fowler doesn't really seem to care to put too much effort into caring if the children he profduced in Japan lived or not. It just seemed more like he didn't want to be bothered with any children he had fathered.

If Fowler really cared about having all his children dead, he wouldn't have let Heiji Shindo give Mizu the option to be a Lord in order to leave Fowler alone in exchange

He just really didn't seem too bothered to deal with the situation. He didn't understand why Mizu went through all the effort to killing him (probably because he's not responsible for the bounty).

Also, Violet is already very much dead. I assume Routley and Skeffington have been away from Japan for a few years now, so why would they still keep the bounty up? It feels like it would be a bit counterproductive.

So why is there a bounty specifically for Mizu?

Is it for the "selling the unwanted daughters of Japan" aspect that Fowler pointed towards Routley and Skeffington of being responsible for? Do they want to sell Mizu abroad for profit? No, I don't think that's the reason.

When Mizu asked the bounty hunters, "Which white devil do you work for?" They respond by saying she's the only white devil they see, and then call to kill her.

When Mizu asked who told them where she was, they responded with "the bounty is a sum few could resist."

This says a lot:

The bounty is for sure specifically for her (a mixed-raced girl with blue eyes)

They're looking to only kill Mizu, as if to erase her from existence

The bounty is a high bounty

And the bounty hunters are probably not being sent by any of the four white men

So, who is responsible for putting a bounty on Mizu's head? Well, I want to dive into Mizu's parentage for this because I don't think any of the four white men are Mizu's father. I don't think her father was white at all.

I think there might be subtle evidence to suggest the contrary; that Mizu's mother was European, while her father was Japanese.

I'll dive into this. Remember the play about the Ronin and the Bride in episode 5?

Remember how people pointed out how both the Ronin and Bride represent Mizu, which I agree with. However, I think they're also supposed to represent her parents, and the child is also supposed to represent Mizu.

Before I keep talking about the Ronin and the Bride, I want to talk about the show's influences. I promise this has a point.

Two of the biggest influences are Kill Bill and Yentl. I'm not gonna get into Yentl too much, I have never seen it. I'm just gonna loosely retell a synopsis I found; Yentl is about a woman who dresses as a male in order to study religious scripture forbidden to women to learn. You can see some of the connections there.

I want to focus on Kill Bill more. Specifically more in pt. 2 as tumblr is only letting me use ten pictures per post.

Part 1/Part 2/Part 3/Part 4/Part 5/Part 6

[hordraomin]

Krita tutorial the way I know it.

Basics: What is where.

Gimmicks.

Specific advice on specific tools.

Basics: What is where.

Upon opening the program this is what you're met with. First of all, must comment: The layout is HEAVILY editable so you can just drag menus anywhere you want, even leave them floating amidst the sheet you're drawing on.

You can create custom art templates, I have two o'mine here as both have my signature background color.

As well, you can edit the custom document settings, as in what size you want it, what resolution, even the initial content of the image. As well you can create from clipboard: Just copy some image from your browser and Krita will recognize it (useful for making meme edits lol).

Now, once you have your file, I will show you what is where.

Brushes:

Brushes are easy to edit and there are tons of free bundles to download online. I myself only got one bundle, Jackpack (bit hard to find now due to original source being lost, it is still available but bit tricky to come by).

There. Are. Tons.

Some of these are my custom brushes for calligraphy in neography, you might even guess which ones. You can edit existing brushes, make new ones from the ones you've edited without changing the original, and all sorts of stuff (more below in the third chapter).

There are numerous packages of brushes once you enter Krita, but only one/two are available when you first open it. To unlock them all, click here:

And make sure all bundles are dark gray in color (example of both dark and light below).

Now Tools Options: those will pop up depending on what tool you're using.

Symmetry: Fun stuff. You can drag the lines depending on how you need them and then center them back to the center of the screen if needed.

Gradients and Textures also have their tools options, you can play with those to get the feeling what they can do (more in third chapter).

The Filters tab is useful too. Blurring, motion blurring, color mapping, artistic filters and all that: Quite fun.

Gimmicks.

Krita allows you to customize your workspace freely. Floating menus, tabs, anything you want. It has quite many drivers at that-

To access the workspace templates, go to Window and choose Workspace.

Krita allows for copy-pasting any image onto the sheet. Though, for me it sometimes crashes if I accidentally copy-paste text into it without choosing the Text tool first.

The software allows for both raster and vector work. It is basically Photoshop sharpened to be used by artists primarily.

There are some interesting mechanics regarding the Eraser (default bind E).

You can use it with any brush, allowing for textured erasure/quick work. Good for sketching.

You can use it on gradients (given there's a transparent point on the gradient preset).

There's a Multibrush tool:

People say Krita is good for animation but my brain can't wrap around it yet honestly @~@.

The keybinds:

B - Brush tool.

E - Erase tool option.

M - Mirror (useful for checking accuracy from a new angle).

Ctrl - Color pick (when used with brush or other color-using tools).

Shift+L.Mouse+drag - Changes the size of the brush by dragging left and right.

Ctrl+E - Merge layer with the one below.

Ctrl+G - Group selected layers.

Ctrl+A - Select whole sheet.

Ctrl+Shift+A - Deselect everything.

F - Bucket tool.

G - Gradient tool.

Ctrl+S - Save document.

Ctrl+Shift+S - Save As document.

Ctrl+N - New document.

Ctrl+O - Open document (will be seen in a new tab on top of the sheet).

Ctrl+C - Copy selected layer or selection.

Ctrl+X - Cut selected layer or selection.

Ctrl+V - Paste copied/cut layer or selection.

Q - Multibrush tool.

R.Mouse - Interesting thing: Opens up a quick selector for brushes and colors you've already used in the piece.

1 - Zoom 100%.

2 - Zoom to fit the piece vertically.

3 - Zoom to fit the piece horizontally.

4, 5, 6 - Turn 15 degrees (4 and 6) or undo the turning whatsoever (5).

Ctrl+I - Negative filter applied to layer.

Ctrl+U - Color editing on the layer.

Ctrl+Y - Soft proofing mode (for color mistakes and stuff like that, mostly annoying for me tbh).

Ctrl+T - Transform selection/layer.

Ctrl+R - Square select tool.

Ctrl+J - Lasso select tool.

Honestly you can just hover your mouse over tools and see their shortcut binds, as well. Or edit them in Settings.

Specific advice on specific tools.

Brush:

Brush editor is a great tool for making custom brushes, and it even has a sratchpad to test them out. Lots of settings, but no need to be afraid; Most of them you might never use on purpose.

Use Brush Smoothing for great and pretty lines in lining pieces or making calligraphy.

Gradient:

The four icons to the right top are:

Mirror gradient.

Arrange by lightness value.

Arrange by color value.

Space the stops evenly.

Click the gradient to add a new stop. The three things to the left are:

Make the stop use Primary Color.

Make the stop use Secondary Color.

Make the stop use a fixed color.

[sysmedsaresexist]

What's up with system resets? I understand system hopping isn't real but the way I see system resets is someone's alters going dormant and new ones forming either for a specific reason or that's just being how the person's system functions.

Most systems have the same alters around consistently but there's nothing saying this is going to be case for every system, right? Genuine question btw, if I'm mistaken then I want to understand why

Be me, a teenager in 2015, discovering the online plural community for the first time. Looking at a bunch of popular plural blogs. One of them is called thatmultiplefeel, a submissions style blog where people send in ~ relatable plural things ~. The blog also doubles as a beacon of plurality advice. Most people refer you to it if you have questions about being a system. So, I go there.

This is where I first see people talking about their systems resetting. This is where most people (at the time) first see anything about "system resets."

--- TW for the concept of alter death/murder/suicide ---

According to TMF, the entire system (or sometimes just one alter) is erased. If they're not seen as dead, they're just magically gone forever. They Will Never Return. Then, the system splits and repopulates itself with new alters to replace the old ones. Usually TMF said this happens due to stress, but they also said it can also happen just randomly. In fact, they said it happens to most systems at least once. So now you know you are not safe from the reset.

Sometimes they describe it as a good, perfectly healthy way to manage your CDD. Don't like your alters anymore? Reset them! No longer want to exist? Reset yourself!

You scroll through their blog and see actual detailed GUIDES on how to purposefully disappear your system and replace it with a new one.

Now, people are terrified of this happening to them. You see people flooding system spaces with posts like "our alters haven't talked to me for 1 day, did we just reset???" and "our persecutor is threatening to reset us, please help!!!" and "our partner system says they'll reset if we don't have sex with them..."

Then there come a slew of people saying this isn't possible. Seriously, please stop scaring everyone with this. This concept has harmed them. Or it is kinda possible but not like that.

There are clinically recognized experiences that kinda mirror aspects of TMF's concept of system resetting. Alters going dormant, splitting off copies of previous alters, and temporary loss of communication. Epochal division as described by Kluft is one of the closest things that come to TMF's concept. Some or all alters are 'recreated' in the system. But even here it's explained that the previous alters are not truly gone, just dormant or more covert. They can return and often do.

So, yeah. AFAIK, "system resets" originated from TMF. They admitted to coming up with the term themselves, and I have never seen it used anywhere else before them.

I sometimes see people nowadays use the term to describe epochal division. Personally, I don't really care if that's their preferred term, but WOW does it draw up memories of the time the system community was in full Panic Mode because of the scary, unpredictable, system-killing Resets.

-- end TW --

I hope this answers your questions a little or at least helps you understand why the discourse around the term exists.

[going-to-ikea-for-the-fries]

why did you tag your post with gaz erasure my ass? like what was hard to believe that the cod fandom has blatant patterns of purposefully removing the only black character and replacing him with everyone under the sun? your friend lied about killing themself to make them look like a victim. and you participated in harassing people who saw this for what it was. you need to step back and reflect on your own self on why you thought that your friend’s “death” was caused by people calling out patterns of anti black racism and then go on to harass them. you are not an ally by any means.

Back when I used that tag, I paired it with another tag right after, it was meant to be an aggressive call out on misinformation, I had meant for it to read as 'Gaz erasure my ass, y'all just can't read'.

(This because the original post didn't read like intentional erasure but rather like codslut thought Gaz didn't fit the post, since she also didn't use Reboot Soap, she used *Captain* Soap, idk how best to explain it but to me the two soaps are different characters so i figured it was an intentional choice to use him and keegan rather than reboot soap and gaz)

Edit: I want to add that I also used codslut's own explanation as the basis for why I didn't think it was erasure. And at this point, she's clearly not to be fucking trusted, so it wouldn't surprise me if it really *was* erasure/racism and I believed her word that it wasn't.

As time went on, I dropped the last part of the tag of 'y'all just can't read', and looking back it not only reads as a racist dog whistle but also, just in general, sounds and looks fucking disgusting.

I've said this before, but I think it warrants saying again: I *didn't* mean to say Gaz erasure doesn't exist. It does very much exist in the community and even Activision themselves often erase Gaz from promo materials.

I'd hate for people to think that I either dislike Gaz or don't see the blatant racism/dislike/erasure that happens with him on the community. That's not the case. Gaz is a main character (unlike König like so many people try to replace him with) who I absolutely adore, and I call out erasure when I see it here on Tumblr, on Tiktok and on Twitter.

I never meant to make it seem like Gaz erasure doesn't exist. I only wanted to call out misinformation... and ended up doing the exact opposite of both my intentions. I'm sorry about that. It was not just disgusting but full on stupid of me.

I also want to say that I didn't think that that screenshot post specifically or even the act of people calling out racism where they saw it was the cause for codslut possibly killing herself. That is not what I meant at all. And I don't want anyone to think I blame @soapskneebrace or @glossysoap or anyone else for that. Blood was never on their hands, I want to make that very clear!!!!

When I was confronting people, I was doing so on the basis that they're big creators with big platforms and that by accusing codslut of racism/erasure they opened the door for anons to justify their actions when going after codslut because they have so much reach and people with bad intentions need less than that to justify the hate they send people.

Looking back, I know I was in the wrong for how I spoke. I was aggressive and rude and mean, and none of the people involved deserve that. Hell, my actions were hypocritical as hell and I probably opened the door for them to get hate themselves. I'm really fucking sorry.

If I could take it back, I would. I never believed nor wanted them to believe that someone potentially harming themselves was their fault. It wasn't.

I do plan on taking a step back to reconsider not just the way I acted but everything that's happened. In fact, I was already taking said break and came online only because I got word of @/fulltacs' post.

I appreciate and thank you for holding me accountable (and by that I mean you and everyone!). And I especially thank *you* anon for wording this ask this way, and giving me, at least, a chance to explain.

[three-dee-ess]

going on a deepdive into 3DS/DS purikura games

I saw this image on a tumblr post and I wanted to look for the original source (so I could properly credit the person and to find out what game it was):

I couldn't find the original, however, I did find this yahoo ask asking what game it was.

The person answering seemed to think it was a hello kitty game, likely because of the hello kitty sticker used to cover the face of the person taking the selfie, but it's clearly one that was added after the photo of the DS was taken, it's not a sticker that exists within that software.

As you can see here, it seems to be a piece of hello kitty fanart- it's not official art, and therefore not featured in the game. This helps with my search a bit.

Also, I believe this is a 3DS title, not a DSI/DS one like the person above suggested- the "select" button in the home menu is the same as the o3DSXL's. This suggests this game was published BEFORE the n3DS series was released.

I remembered playing a game in the past called "Sanrio Picross" that had some purikura elements, however, that game doesn't allow you to edit photographs, and upon looking at them side by side, the UI is completely different.

I googled "3DS purikura game" (purikura being the Japanese word for photo booth) and the only result was "Sparkle Snapshots." From what I could see, the 3DS title didn't have UI that matched either. I decided to look up the DSI game as a last ditch effort into this line of thinking and I didn't find anything.

I did find a screenshot of the title screen on khinsider VGM and the title song goes HARD.

It doesn't seem like this is a purikura game, (or at least not solely), so my research must continue. The next thing I looked into was the UI. I know some Japanese, not very much, but enough to read some basic katakana.

Under the X button it says "Zoom." The L button seems to say "Erase Button."

And it seems that R and A also say "Erase Button." Start obviously says "Menu" It seems like this is a very basic game.

For the bottom screen, it was taken at an angle and it contains some Kanji, so I put it through some photo editing to make it easier to read.

Typing that into google translate I got "Saved! Do you continue doodle?" (and then obviously yes/no)

The phrasing of doodle is interesting. This implies it could be an art program, like the yahoo commenter suggested earlier.

Searching up 3DS art programs doesn't really help me, and coloring games doesn't work either...

My last resort is to go through every 3DS game released in japan, (since we already have a copy of every game ever released for the 3DS online...) However, before I do that, I'm going to look for this image some more.

I found it running rampant on pinterest...

No one else seems to know what it is either LOL.

However, the version on pinterest is significantly higher quality!

Next step, finding more games. I simply need to try to find MORE games. Because I know what the UI looks like, it shouldn't be too hard.

I'll run this search again and just scroll till I see a new lead...

Oh, that was quick!

I found a series called "minna no" which seems to be similar to the "imagine" series in the US- just kind of children's shovelware that never got translated to english.

I ran a search for みんなの (Minna no) on google and...

Huh that sounds familiar... oh my god.

OH MY GOD.

It'S THE SAME FUCKING GAME THE GUY FROM EARLIER WAS TALKING ABOUT. The one I dismissed entirely because it was a DSi title and the game's UI wasn't DSi? It was a 3DS title.

The best part about all of this... the best part about all of this... the UI doesn't even match at all. I went full circle and just accidentally proved this guy completely wrong.

I checked the rest of the minna no games, and yup, no dice. It's some other title.

Next up, I looked at Girls RPG Cinderella Life, mostly because it kept coming up over and over during my research- and holy shit their website is adorable.

Their website is an accessibility nightmare, but it's absolutely adorable. If you are into web design at all, I'd recommend checking it out.

super cute!! looking through the website only proves to me though that this is not the game we are looking for though, so let's move on.

Okay okay okay, how about... JS GIRL: Doki Doki Model Challenge?

Found some information about it.... oh shit there's a camera function?

Dammit... Doesn't look anything like the image.

WAIT WAIT WAIT. A photo decoration option??????

While trying to find more images I found out the game was in this pretty holographic packaging. God I'm jealous. More games should do this.

Either way I can't seem to find any images on this, so it's going on the list of possible candidates. And While looking up this game, I found more under the same artstyle that also might be culprits.

While trying to find more information, I realized how many of these games there are. And also how many of them I have played in the past, lol.

I've been a big fan of Style Savvy (AKA Girls Mode) and I've tried out Girls Fashion Shoot, which was an english translation from a different game series about becoming a model.

Yet another knocked off the list!

By extension, the second game is also knocked off the list.

Another model game- this one called Neco*Petit Girls Runway. Another dud, but also very cute.

Pretty Rhythm series seemed to have a camera function but it didn't line up with the UI shown in the screen either.

If anyone has any more ideas or lists of games, please tell me below! I need to take a break from researching this, and I'll need to play some of that JS model game from earlier, since I doubt anyone has used the photo function during a youtube Let's Play, but based on the UI, I sincerely doubt that it's the one we are looking for.

[lillified]

Oh!! Btw! I'm a drag artist and I'm doing a drag cosplay of starscream for pride and tfnation 2023 and sometimes when I question if the look is too fem or cutesy shaped, I think about your starscream and I remind myself that I'm serving cunt actually. Thank you for your service

hi!! I absolutely love both of the asks you sent but I hope you don’t mind me responding to this one with a little bit of personal musing—specifically about Starscream and femininity, lol. (long post warning!!)

I cannot stress enough how generally positive and supportive reception to my changes has been, especially in the case of Starscream—that being said, I do think about the occasional pushback I get every so often, and how it feeds into why I make the choices I do

starscream has always been a feminine character, which I think is part of why a lot of people are drawn to it in the first place—even talking to older fans, who grew up with the original show, there seems to be this implicit understanding that Starscream is something “other” (“pretty poison” as a beta name should tell you quite a bit). this is something that has remained relatively consistent in the entirety of transformers—albeit in, I’d argue, the worst way possible.

there are a lot of character decisions I dislike on a thematic level that vary across continuity, but one extremely reliable element of any Starscream is the way femininity defines their villainy. you’re never supposed to like the “feminine” traits. they’re played for jokes and comically exaggerated at best; at worst, any and all Starscream redemption arcs are completely dependent on grappling with emasculation, and shedding the feminine. Even in continuities where other characters (a whole other ballpark) are murderous, abusive, and violent, Starscream is canonically regarded as morally lesser, specifically because their villainy manifests in the feminine. masculine, “active” displays of malice are more noble and admirable than the “passive” and “feminine” act of quiet scheming and deception.

I’m not saying that Starscream doesn’t do bad things, obviously, but this is such a constant theme that it has thoroughly leeched its way into fan spaces as well. I’m not really active in fan communities anymore, but I will always feel frustrated with how the character’s femininity is simultaneously misunderstood and exploited, because that is the natural reaction to femininity. it is inoffensive and clean and neat, and it fits into one of very few digestible archetypes, because it is not perceived as a natural form of expression, but an other. it is only allowed when it is attractive and easy to understand.

this is something that extends to women, as, obviously, in a performative binary womanhood is a shorthand for femininity. “woman” is an other, and feminine women exist in palatable, digestible archetypes. even with all the progress we have made it is really not common to see women or feminine characters in general treated with equal respect or interest, and, the more you pay attention, the more you’ll notice a total apathy for their feelings, struggles, and complexity.

I know this is all really dense, but I bring that all up to say that there is a reason I want to spotlight and elaborate on Starscream’s femininity. it’s a trait that is inherent to the character, but I’d argue that there hasn’t ever really been a moment where that femininity ever manifests as something positive. it’s a derogatory label, but never something the character owns.

I want to see a Starscream that is confidently feminine and “cutesy” because the character has never been afforded that luxury! moreover, I want to portray a fully femme Starscream because there is no reason that should change the character’s complexity or their queer association! (I once saw the argument that making Starscream a girl would be “erasing the character’s queer history” and that kind of sums up the casual effect of misogyny in these weird online spaces, lol. granted that doesn’t mean you can’t project or imagine any gender identity you want for the character—I think that’s very good, actually!!) even though I have never personally been a feminine person, I’ve always been really attached to Starscream’s femininity and the idea of a femme-presenting version because there was a sorely lacking character type I desperately wanted to see—a messy, bitter, and by all means “evil” person who was also feminine, without those things being linked via cause and effect. I hope that makes sense?? essentially, a very feminine girl whose femininity wasn’t the implicit or explicit cause of their moral failings, and was instead treated as. yknow, a neutral mode of expression

anyway, I am very sorry for saying so many words about something pretty trivial here. if you couldn’t tell transformers was the thing that first got me thinking about gender and themes and media critique as a child, so i have feelings like this, lol. none of the problems I listed here are ultimately all that serious and they certainly aren’t exclusive to the robots, but it’s something I really wanted to talk about!

TL;DR: Starscream’s gender is what you make of it and i think you shouldnt stop yourself because it is accurate to the character, actually! I hope that I can encourage people to think outside the box of what rigidly exists in writing and expand their horizons to what the art is trying to say, and how your experience is important :)

sorry again for the long post jeez!!

[matan4il]

hello! as someone who's very much uneducated about the israel-hamas war but wants to educate themself more on the topic, I just want to ask if wikipedia is a good place to start? obviously it's not the be all end all and further research is necessary but do you think it's a good starting place? since with longer texts after some point my brain stops being able to properly comprehend them lol. if it's not then can you direct me to other, more reliable sources? I know it's quite a big ask but I don't want to go around using terms and saying things I don't understand and spread misinformation in the process ^^;;

Hi Nonnie! I just wanna start by commending you for the desire to educate yourself. It's not easy, this conflict has many aspects, and goes back quite a while, so I understand people who don't want to. All the more respect to you for having this willingness to dive in! *hugs*

Wikipedia is def not a reliable resource. I was an editor for a while, because I wanted to contribute my Jewish history knowledge. What I discovered as a Jew is, that it's a website with a bias towards antisemitism. Because Wikipedia is open for anyone to edit, the dominant narrative between two conflicting sides is always going to come down to numbers. Which side has more people to add new pages, or edit existing ones? Which side has more representatives for when disputes are settled with a vote (which is a dumb way to settle encyclopedic disputes... at a certain moment in history, the popular vote would have determined that the earth is flat). So consider that there are a mere 15 million Jews worldwide. Meanwhile, according to a global survey by the ADL, about 26% of the adult human population harbors antisemitic views. That's over one BILLION adults. When those are the proportions, unsurprisingly Wikipedia has an antisemitic bias. I've seen it on pages that have nothing to do with the Israeli-Arab conflict, too.

But don't just take my word on it! Here's an example of an academic article that touches exactly on the antisemitic bias of Wikipedia:

A resource that I like for understanding the Jewish/Israeli POV is the Jewish Virtual Library. It's dedicated to Jewish history in general, and as part of that, covers the conflict. I like it as a resource, because it's encyclopedic in nature, it contains a lot of parts of the conflict that tend to be erased by less history-oriented websites, it is organized in a manner that's relatively easy to use (I would recommend starting with "Israel" and "Myths & Facts", but you also have a search function), it doesn't look away from some criticism of Israel, and at the same time, I've never seen any anti-Palestinian sentiment/bias on there. Another resource is Unpacked, a project that aims to do about the same thing, but mostly in video form (they also have a website). I think its biggest downsides are, that with the video format, it's sometimes too condensed to do some issue justice, and that the website is a bit harder to navigate.

I looked at other encyclopedic resources online and... most of them are just not that in depth, because not being dedicated to this conflict specifically, they start for the most part in 1947, and miss a lot of the historical context that precedes the events of that year.

If I were to recommend specific books, on why a false narrative has become very common regarding this conflict, I would point to The New Historians by Efraim Karsh (it deals with how biased historians fabricate a false narrative about the conflict... To prove the falsifications, Karsh goes back to some of the most critical documents and events in the history of the conflict, examining the original evidence. I learned A LOT that I had no idea about from this book), and Industry of Lies by Ben Dror Yemini (same thing. This book was the first place where I learned stuff like... that Israel had actually offered to take as citizens some of the Arabs who had fled the 1947-1949 War, or that during the war, there were places where Jews were asking Arabs not to leave, such as over the radio in Haifa). You can also search both of these men online, they have stuff they've shared since publishing these books.

I hope this helps? And of course, if you need help with any specific question, I will try my best for you! Have a great day! xoxox

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

[intersex-support]

I've always suspected I was intersex since I was young and heard of it, now that I'm older and I'm getting close to a diagnosis of PCOS, I got checked for high testosterone I have high testosterone, even after everything; I still feel so hesitant to call myself intersex. I just want advice about this? It's been hard for me to accept this despite all the traits I show. I feel so hesitant to use intersex terms, to call myself intersex. Advice?

Hi anon.

You're definitely not alone in struggling to accept your intersex identity and feeling conflicted about what it means for you. When I first got diagnosed with my intersex variation, I felt really overwhelmed and emotional. Even though I was already a little bit familiar with what intersex meant, realizing that it applied to me, and that I was actually intersex, brought up all these other questions and insecurities about my gender, my childhood, other parts of my identity. And so, so many of my intersex friends have had similar experiences.

I think something that makes it really hard to accept yourself as intersex is the amount of systemic discrimination we face. We grow up in a world founded around compulsory dyadism--the way that the (mythical) sex binary is forced onto everyone, and how people who deviate from the sex binary are erased, "fixed," and have our intersex traits eradicated. When we grow up in a society where every form only has an "m" and "f" box, where there's all this shame surrounding things like body hair, micropenises, etc, where we're told that intersex is incredibly "rare"--it's so hard to feel like we can actually exist as intersex! Our society makes it feel like it isn't even possible in the first place, and then also places all these dehumanizing and pathologizing stereotypes on us once we do find out we are intersex.

But the truth is, of course we're allowed to exist as intersex, and we aren't rare! One thing that's really beautiful to me about the intersex community is that we have so much variety, in terms of our different diagnoses and life experiences. There truly is not one singular universal intersex experience. There's not a "right" or "wrong" way to be intersex. There's as many different intersex experiences as there are intersex people. You know that you have intersex traits, you have test results, you are the expert on your body. You are intersex enough, and your experiences are a meaningful and valuable part of the intersex community.

It's definitely a journey to embrace your intersex identity, and it's not something you need to rush before you're ready. I'll share some things that really helped me when I was in that process, and other intersex followers, feel free to add on things that helped you!

Learning more about intersex history, culture, and politics. It was super meaningful for me to understand that there is an intersex community and that we do have this in depth history, that we're not alone and that people have been intersex for years and years! You can check out this post for a bunch of resources about intersex community, videos, art, articles, etc. It helped me a lot to find people experiencing intersex joy and understanding that as a possibility.

Practicing calling myself intersex in welcoming spaces. At first, I was only out as intersex online in an anonymous blog, because that felt like a safer way to practice referring to myself as intersex without having to come out to people yet.

Joining in intersex community spaces and lurking! I wasn't necessarily ready to start talking about my experiences right away, but meeting other intersex people who welcomed me was super important. If you're under 30, @interactyouth has a discord server. Interconnect also has a discord server and online support group meetings for people of all ages. @intersexbookclub is a super great community that has a discord server and regular book club meetings to discuss books.

Taking it slow and practicing self care. Discovering that you're intersex can be such an emotional experience. For me, journaling is a way that I really like to help process my thoughts and take care of myself. It can sometimes be helpful to incorporate whatever self care looks like for you.

Overall, know that you are intersex, you are allowed to call yourself intersex, and you are not an imposter here. You belong here, and there's a whole community that has your back.

Welcome to the intersex community. I'm glad you're here 💜💜💜

[butternaife]

no time at all!-- PILOT

Welcome Home + reader

warnings: derealisation, could cause paranoia, not proofread lmao

notes: so here's the first little drabble of the story I'd mentioned earlier! I'm not new at all to writing, but please keep in mind this is the first story I've posted to Tumblr, so the formatting could suck really bad. 

I have SO many ideas for what I want to continue this with, please tell me if you want to see more. thanks for reading!!  please please please rb if you're able :3

part 2 is posted!

 ╔══•●•══╗╔══•●•══╗╔══•●•══╗╔══•●•══╗╔══•●•══╗

The sounds of the coffee shop around you filled the room; the everyday hustle and bustle of footsteps, casual chatter, and the clinking of porcelain cups were a familiar comfort, and god knows you needed it right now.

The face of the website you'd had open for several days now stared at you (through you?), the direct eye contact of the cartoon puppet mascots making you squirm in your seat.

Welcome Home! It said in bright pastel letters and a font you didn't recognize, though it sparked a deep sense of nostalgia in you; the whole concept did. In fact, that was the whole reason you’d found yourself falling down this rabbit hole of researching, trying any kind of letter combinations in the web address, scrolling through every page you could access with all the text highlighted.

You knew the secrets: the hidden messages, the png title responses in the guestbook, the audio mp4… and it thrilled you.

You hadn't grown up watching the infamous puppet show, of course, you doubt anyone has. Hell, part of you agreed with the people saying it didn't ever exist and all of this was just some online creepy pasta goosechase. Even though, it was so fun to play along, right? To be part of the community, or to be part of the joke, it didn't matter at the end of the day.

Whatever circumstances brought you to wherever you were mentally, and here to this cafe physically, this puppet show had you wrapped around its finger; you didn't really know if you loved the mascots, with their fun, bright designs and their bubbly personalities; something akin to what you'd grown up with, like you'd known them your entire life– or if they terrified you. The same traits that had made them so endearing made them so devoid of life, so lonely and cold when you’d think about it too long. Made to be loved by an audience just to be erased from history entirely- all to be excavated now, alongside these grotesque secrets and mysteries… like it was hidden for a reason. (Exciting, right?)

You scrolled absent-mindedly through the Neighborhood page, looking through all the biographies of the characters, picking apart the text in any ways you could, though you can only command-all and highlight for so long before it’s just a desperate attempt made in vain.

you already knew all the secrets

Home is where the heart is and Welcome Home's residents are the heart of the neighborhood. Even if you don't live there, you're still one of its most important denizens! But don't worry, with the help of this colorful array of neighbors, it'll feel just like home in no time at all!

Yeah, yeah, whatever, they love me.

What used to put a pit in your stomach didn't really do all too much now. The immersiveness wears off after a while. It used to fill you with questions: “am i important to them as the viewer? Are they sentient enough to understand? If they are… how do they feel about it? About me?”

Losing yourself in the story was easy initially, but the meandering possibilities became meaningless prompts. It was just a slogan now.

Your cursor hovers over the titular Home, a second delay in hesitation. Even if nothing else sent a chill down your spine, Home would never fail to unnerve you.

You click.

You're greeted by Wally, the PNG of him painting, the one you see plastered over every blog or post regarding Welcome Home. it was silly of you to expect anything else.

You felt yourself ease back into your chair; there aren't any more secrets to discover until the website is next updated.

As you half-heartedly scroll to click on the Good Bye!, a mystery in itself, you saw it.

Wally���s eyes had just followed your mouse, even by just half an inch, you Swear To God you saw them move.

An overwhelming tremor of sudden panic took over your body; you felt your heart fall deep into your stomach. With a loud thunk, you slammed your laptop closed. You felt the stares of concern burn into your back from the other patrons of the coffee shop, but you didn't care. Hoisting yourself up, laptop in tow, you hurry out through the door, only the greeting bell breaking the apprehensive silence youd left behind you.

Its nothing, you were just staring too long,

you'd thought, though partially drowned out by the sound of your footsteps and the deafening beating of your heart.

Of course you got freaked out, you were looking to be scared, so you came up with something to be scared of. That's all it is; made up.

It didn't really happen.

You had to tell yourself this several times as you walked to your car, trying to shake the image out of your head.

It's not real.

[the-english-brew]

“You’re not going to believe this!” I squealed at my mother.

Happy tears filled my eyes and I wiped them away as I embraced my mother.

“What happened, my dear?” She asked, shaky hands holding me clumsily.

I took a deep breath, and the whole story spilled out as I told her everything.

A few months ago, I had been in my art studio, sketching the scenery of a mountain range. My pencil twirled and flourished as I tried my best to capture a mountain’s likeness on my canvas.

No, no, I thought. It needs to be perfect.

I erased a part of the sketch that had been bothering me. And another. And another.

Soon I had erased the whole thing. Tears pricked my eyes. What was I to do?

I was an aspiring artist, desperate to show my creations to the world. I had a lot riding on my dreams too- my mother was wheelchair-confined with a rare disease.

Except nobody bought my art.

I had tried everything. Posted online, gone to competitions, made submissions to galleries. It wasn’t as if nobody knew my work existed.

They just didn’t want to buy it.

“Why?” I whispered to nobody in particular.

Because you art is not perfect, said a nasty voice in my head. It has to be perfect.

I knew it was right.

If my drawing weren’t perfect, nobody would want them. Eyes blurry I opened the picture of my mother’s latest medical bill on my phone.

Two hundred thousand dollars.

How was I to pay that if my art wasn’t perfect?

Stifling my tears, I ran out of the studio all the way to the train station, and hurried onto the fastest one home.

I got onto the train, which was sleek, modern, and filled with the faint scent of disinfectant. Seats filled the train in a kind of twisted monotony, mocking and taunting me, as if they were insinuating that everything was normal and as it should be when it clearly wasn't.

I was fidgety and antsy the whole ride. Halfway through, I whipped out my sketchbook.

Small, pocket-sized and cool grey in colour, my sketchbook always stayed in its designated place no matter what- my jeans. I flipped through pages filled with half-finished drawings, abandoned due to their sheer ugliness.

I’ll try to make a small one first, I thought, desperately pulling out a pencil.

I tried to draw it out on the sketchbook, but within ten minutes I had erased so many times that I had ripped a hole through the paper.

Being an artist had been my dream since I was little. From back when my mother was young and healthy, when the cold, bloodied hands of illness hadn’t yet snatched her. Tears dripped onto the sodden paper.

Maybe I wasn’t supposed to be an artist, after all.

“I think the first one you drew looked the best,” said a voice behind me.

I spun around, alarmed, and found a smiling old man peering over my seat.

He wore a funky top hat and his face was wrinkled with smile lines. His smile revealed sparkling pearly-whites and, strangely enough, a single gold tooth.

Weird fashion choice, but I had seen Weirder in college. Art schools had no shortage of eccentric people.

“It looked a little wonky, sure, but it also looked natural. Original. The other versions you drew didn’t make me feel as happy,” he continued.

And with that, he turned back around.

For a reason I was unaware of, His words sent a pang through me. His favorite version was the most imperfect one? What?

When I got home and went to bed, I mulled over his words, sleep long abandoned. Slowly, but surely, I decided to try something out tomorrow.

The next morning at my studio, I pulled out my canvas and put away my eraser. I gripped my pencil.

For the next two hours, I only had a vague idea of what I was doing. I poured out all my anger, frustration and hopelessness onto the canvas, releasing of my pent up emotion.

When I was done, I called my mother and showed her the finished piece. My mother gasped.

“Why, dear, it’s your best work yet!”

I smiled. I knew what I needed to do.

Over the next few months, my pencil and I were one, as I drew all my emotions over canvas after canvas, uncaring of the imperfections. I poured my heart out to the paper. Within no time, I had a whole new collection of works, and I published it online.

I named it ‘True Art’.

True art was that which invoked emotion. That which brought smiles and tears to the viewers. Nobody cared if it was perfect, I realized. Only the soul and humanity behind it mattered. The imperfection where what made art.

The very next day after I had published it, a man turned up at my studio.

“Hello,” he said. I believe the ‘True Art’ collection is on sale? I was wondering if I could acquire it.”

I stared at him in shock.

It was the man from the train.

The man was apparently a rich art collector who had noticed my talent on the train, and had wanted to nudge me in the right direction.

And he had offered two million dollars for the collection.

Naturally, I sold it right away.

“We’re going to be okay, ma,” I told my mother, tears, this time from joy, in my eyes.

“I’m coming to your house tomorrow. I have a long story to tell.”

I paused and took a deep breath.

“You’re not going to believe it.”